Love Styled Cold Style
by wildcomets
Summary: It was all an accident. Gaara's now, reluctantly, employed as a Love Advice columnist for a popular women's mag, just because he bluffs good advice. And why does Sakura want his advice so she can hook up with Sasuke...[GaaSaku, pairings created by Gaara]
1. Breakthrough?

Author's Note: I LOVE Gaara. The only rival against Gaara for my love in _ Naruto_ is Kiba. Gaara's got style. He's got a twisted sense of attitude. He's sadistic. But underneath, he's really caring. Time to abuse that fact and incorporate into this twisted tale where a bluff leads to a career in being a Love Adviser/Guru. Also, I don't think you would want advice from a 12-14 year old, so in this, Gaara (and others) are 19. What a random age I chose...not 17, not 18, not 20, not 21. Nineteen. Damn straight. Also, go those born in January! (Like Gaara and I)

Brief Description on Current Universe: It's still in the world of _Naruto_, but this time, all characters who have died are alive (so I can have more female characters, dammit.) And the three Sand-nins (well, everyone, really) live in Konoha, for the sake of simplicity. World slightly more "modern", with more technology. (?)kage's are not a major issue here, and so our favourite redhead is not a Kazekage, in this story, that is (he is in Konoha, duh). Characters maybe somewhat out of character to suit their environment, otherwise I'll try to keep them as in character as possible.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Naruto_, else this fanfic wouldn't be a fanfic HAHAHAHA...Ahem.

LOVE STYLED COLD STYLE

A Sabaku no Gaara Tale of Giving Love Advice

Prologue: Insomnia Equals Too Much Time in Your Hands...

Sabaku no Gaara Gaara of the Desert, known simply as Gaara, was a complete and extreme insomniac. His inability to sleep is due to the fact that Shukaku, some strange, one-tailed demon raccoon, was sealed inside him, and if he sleeps, that monster takes over his body. And Gaara's not going to let that happen. So he had no sleep ever since the demon came into his life, and it is noticed by the black circles around his eyes due to lack of sleep. Of course, his body system has spontaneously evolved to support this way of life, and now he doesn't require sleep to survive. Shukaku said it was his doing, Gaara didn't believe. As if he would, Shukaku's probably wishing that Gaara falls asleep as soon as possible to do some body hijacking. Gaara's dark circles remained, however, giving him the look of some stuck up Gothic punk, red hair and all. It doesn't help his image if he constantly wears black to boot. And that there was a blood red tattoo just above his left eye in the form of the kanji "Love", symbolising his lack of it, considering his lame life. And the abnormally large sand gourd filled with, well, sand, that he wears on his back and serves as his shinobi weapon of choice. Shukaku + Gothicism + Love Tattoo + Crazy Sized Gourd equals Gaara equals Most feared and avoided person. Not that he cared.

Of course, no sleep means having an extra eight hours to do nothing. That means twenty four hours of consciousness. Which means more time for Shukaku to vex Gaara. Which accumulates into Gaara's bad mood. Which results in Gaara being a ruthless prick.

"I need something to do..." Gaara muttered to himself, lying on his bed, the most redundant and useless piece of furniture in his room, except for lying on, since he has nothing better to do. He could here Kankurou snoring away in the next room.

"Noisy." Gaara muttered. Shukaku laughed evilly at him.

**_Well...why don't we "stop" it...?_**

_Shut up, how about I stop _you_...you talk to too much. _Peace again arose in the dark of night. It was too quiet.

_**You're getting bored.**_

_Speak for yourself._ Shukaku was right though. Gaara hated the fact that he couldn't hide anything from Shukaku, Shukaku does dwell in his mind, after all...

Gaara left his room and headed to the kitchen. Since he and his two siblings live alone in a average sized apartment, the noise from his footsteps are a growing concern for people downstairs. He's doing it on purpose, though. He can walk as silently as he wished...he was a shinobi, after all. He opened the fridge door and grabbed the carton of milk, drinking straight from it. If his sister, Temari, saw him, she'd kill him, no matter what type of apocalyptic monster was in him. Like that's going to stop him, though. He notice Temari's woman's gossip magazine on the bench. Best to avoid it.

_**Read it.**_

_As if._

**_READ IT!_**

_You want to read it. I don't._

_**JUST DO IT! I'M DYING FROM BOREDOM HERE!**_

_Good._

**_So are you. _**

_If you shut up, I'll open and read the goddamn magazine._ Silence. Gaara opened the magazine. And he began to read. And cringe. And wondered why people paid money to read such trash.

"You can get the exact same things over the internet." Gaara muttered disapprovingly. What he found must frustrating were the requests for advice on love. He glared.

"This is bullshit. Look at the advice this stupid person is giving!" Gaara was actually getting quite heated over the subject. Sure, he didn't care if a woman was in the depths of despair over the fact that she got dumped. Or if someone's marriage is in turmoil. Or love triangles. But what he did know, was that he was reading some really, really bad advice.

"That's it! I'm writing a letter..."

_**You're getting pretty heated.**_

_Quiet. Reading this trash was your idea._

Chapter 1: Breakthrough?

A week has passed. Temari slammed the door to Gaara's room opened and stormed in. Gaara was halfway through changing. He leapt under his bed in horror. So there is another purpose for his bed.

"GODDAMN, WOMAN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PRIVACY!"

"SHUT UP! I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED INFINITE TIMES WHEN YOU WERE SMALL!"

"PUH-LEASE! I'VE GROWN AND FLOURISHED INTO A MATURE MAN'S BODY! A SISTER LOOKING AT SUCH IS AGAINST NATURE!"

"MATURE! IN YOUR DREAMS! NINETEEN IS NOT MATURE! NOW TELL ME, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" She threw a magazine hard onto the floor, next to Gaara's bed. He stretched out and grabbed it, pulling it under his bed.

"Well?" Gaara asked. He didn't know what was going on. He saw Temari's foot tap impatiently.

"Look at the "Ask Nina" section!" Silence. "The Love Advisor!" Temari finally heard the ruffling of paper. "And read it aloud!"

"'Nina has a special guest! Sabaku no Gaara has sent in some advice to letters send previously. His warm understanding and sensitivity has reached us at W4eva magazine, and we want to share with you his terrific advice...' Um..." Gaara paused. "When did I do this?"

"Like hell I'd know! I'm asking YOU to tell ME!"

**_You did it last week. You were bored._** Shukaku reminded him.

_Oh...I remember._ Gaara cringed. What was he thinking?

_I blame this on you entirely._ Gaara thought to Shukaku as he threw the magazine out from under his bed.

"So?" he answered, calm, cold and cool as always. "It seemed they forgotten who I am. '...warm understanding and sensitive...' BAH! I was bluffing the advice the whole time..." Which he was. His bluff was better than that Nina hag any day. Temari stamped her foot, causing a slight tremor on the floor which also served as someone's ceiling.

"That's what I mean! People are going to flock over to you and ask for your advice now! How did you sent those letters!"

"By mail."

"Electronically or physically?"

"Physically...why?" Gaara looked at her suspiciously. Temari's eyes were wide with fear of what his next answer to her question may be.

"Did...you write the address to our unit at the back of the envelop like every good citizen should...?"

"Yes." Temari screamed in horror. Gaara was confused. Shukaku laughed.

_**Hah! What kind of idiot writes his full name and address to a letter to a magazine...now they can come straight to us. **_Gaara understood what was going on. He fumed.

_You knew this and didn't remind me!_

**_I like to see you suffer._**

_I'm going to make _you_ suffer._ Suddenly the door bell rang. Temari and Gaara froze in horror. As long as no one opens the door...

"I got it." Kankurou cried out, and they heard the door handle turning. Seemed like he didn't hear their little commotion.

"NO!" Temari and Gaara cried out at the same time, Temari running out of Gaara's room as fast as possible to stop Kankurou. As soon as she left, Gaara came from under the bed and slapped on some decent clothes lying around before following his sister. But it was too late. The door was wide opened, and there were strangers clad in straight black business suits and crisp white shirts at the door way. Temari and Gaara glared menacingly at Kankurou. He was confused by their death glares.

"What!" He asked, wondering where he went wrong. One of the black suited men looked at the three transferred Sand-nins.

"Who here is Sabaku no Gaara?" he asked. Gaara couldn't believe it. After all the things he's done, they've completely forgotten about him. What has the world come to!

"I'm Gaara." Gaara announced. Temari looked desperate to find a way out of this mess. Gaara decided that the only way to go is to act cool. Act cold. Be Gaara. The man was shocked.

"What! You mean a kid wrote this stuff!" He questioned rhetorically with a surpised tone. Gaara's eye almost twitched.

"I beg your pardon. I'm nineteen." Funny, since he was taller than this man, who was pretty tall himself. Sure, he was a midget most of his nineteen years of age...until sixteen...he was a late sprouter. The man cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed by the youth's manners.

"Well, are you employed?" He asked Gaara. Gaara frowned.

"I'm a Sand ninja, recently transferred to Konoha. Why do you ask?" _Is this another one of them survey guys!_ Actually, Gaara hoped he was. That way, no love advice would need to be given.

"I'm a scout from W4eva magazine, who just recently sacked their love advise columnist after complaints from readers who said her advice made things worse. We'd like you to take her position." This was followed by dead silence.

"Excuse me? You want me, an insensitive, cold-hearted, unloved arsehole, and a male, to fill in a position that usually stereotypically wiser-in-that-topic women?"

"We sacked that woman last week. We've posted your material in this week's magazine, and so far, only good feedback has been received from all our readers. And now that we've met you, it's an added bonus, as you're young and..." The man did not want to say "handsome". Sure, Gaara had potential, he has dark red hair for godsake. But that death glare distorts his face into a monster. "...er...we'll work on the handsome. But as I was saying...maybe you'll fish in the younger population, and maybe some males." Gaara didn't look convinced.

"Not likely. If I recall, W4eva stands for "Women for ever", men won't read this stuff unless it interests them."

"You did." _Damn, caught._ Gaara paused.

**_Don't even think about it._**

_Huh?_

**_I know you're considering the job._**

_Actually...I'm trying to avoid it._

_**Sure. Remember, you can never take this job. No one loves you, you're feared by all. You're a murderer.**_ Gaara suddenly felt something. It was fear. Not from himself. From Shukaku. This job was a threat to Shukaku! If it was to get back and threat Shukaku, Gaara wouldn't mind taking the job. Well, for a brief period, anyway. The job was also a threat to his image.

"Well...I guess I can give the position a go. Doesn't hurt to try new things. I've got no missions anyway." Gaara answered. Temari and Kankurou's jaw literally dropped. Their younger brother, a love advisor! The scouts beamed with joy and excitement.

"You won't regret it! Come by the main office tomorrow at ten am. Here's the address." The man handed a card to Gaara. "Just go in, go to the reception and tell them you're Sabaku no Gaara, new Love Advisor columnist, and she'll tell you where to go."

"Right." Gaara clearly understood those extremely easy instructions.

"We'll be see you around!" And the scouts shook his hand, and left. Gaara turned to his older siblings. Their jaw was still touching the floor.

"What?" He questioned them. Kankurou was first to react.

"You have no idea what you just got yourself into."

_To be continued...with Chapter 2._

AN: Nothing much yet, just wait till you see who's the boss. You wouldn't believe it. And in upcoming chapters, we'll witness Gaara actually writing a letter, in contrast to his true opinions on the matter. And then there's his love interest, one that keeps nagging him for advice.

AN v2: This was actually written to be posted up AFTER I finish one story. Mainly cos I got the idea AFTER I finished the first chapter to Bishounen no Jutsu. Too many crazy original ideas! -grabs head and screams- Now I just wanna keep writing this one. So I decided to halt another story, and go on with this one...it probably won't be so long anyway. You can only do so much for a story with Gaara as a love advice columnist...well, actually, you can do a lot. I'll try to make it a bang.


	2. I beg your pardon? Love Style?

AN: TYPE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE! I have exams. And I'm writing this trash when I should be studying. Damn you, procrastination...WHY DO YOU TAUNT ME SO! Also, I have a bone to pick with It seems to be editing some of the punctuation in my chapters. I can't do asterisks for section division, nor can I accentuate my question marks with exclamation marks. Boing?

ANv2: Exams are over. Still typing, haha. Anyway, I would like to say that I'm following some of the manga to extract characters, so yeah.

Chapter 2: I beg your pardon? Love Style?

"Damn..." Gaara went to W4eva headquarters as requested. He was currently standing outside the building dumbstruck. It was one of those huge buildings that are placed in the city, only you never really notice it was there, no matter how hip and stylish it looked. And so while Gaara may have walked past this building many times, this was the first time he actually noticed it. In awe.

"So..." Gaara paused. Personality wise, he's a man of few words, just a great bluffer. "...erm...large." He was trying to say "_such a graceful blend of contemporary and postmodern style with the classic look to give that sophisticated and bold feel._" Only Shukaku knew what he really meant.

_**No wonder you don't have a girlfriend...you never say what you really feel.**_

_Since _when_ did _you_ give _me_ quality advice!_ Shukaku had nothing else to say. Gaara strode calmly into the building, and went straight to the reception desk. A pretty receptionist welcomed him.

"Hi, how are you today? Do you have an appointment? Or are you here for the tour at 11am...which you are exactly one hour and fifteen minutes early for!" Then she giggled uncontrollably. Gaara blinked twice, bewildered. He wasn't allowed a chance to answer any of those questions. He returned to looking indifferent.

"Hmph. I am Sabaku no Gaara. I have an appointment at 10 am. I am your new Love Advice columnist. I don't have all day. So why don't you grab that receiver, and tell them I'm here, and I don't care if they're busy or anything." Gaara said coldly. The receptionist whimpered. His icy pale green eyes pierced murderously into her. Shukaku sighed.

**_And when you say too much, you usually make the other person piss their pants..._**

_Shut up, before I make _you_ piss your pants._

**_Technically, that would be you then. I can't physically piss unless you do it for me._**

"O-O-Okay...I'll send y-y-you up, n-n-now, I'm sure he won't mind..." She grabbed the telephone receiver for dear life. "This is the front desk. Replacement for Nina, is here, wants to go in early...tell the boss..." she placed the receiver down, hyperventilating. Gaara gave a her a fake concerned look, smiling complacently.

"There...see? That wasn't too hard. Now tell me where to go."

"Top floor, the entire top floor is the head office. Take the elevator."

"Have a nice day." And Gaara left for the elevators, swearing he heard the poor blubbering receptionist muttering "...I hope the boss kills you..." which wasn't a good thing to hear, but he _was_ Gaara, and so he didn't care. He managed to get a whole elevator to himself, and went straight to the top floor. As the elevator doors opened, Gaara felt danger approach. It came in the form of a flying black double binder folder, heading straight for his head. Fortunately, Gaara's gourd was still functional, and a large sand shell prevented the folder from slapping him in the face. Then he heard a cold deep, yet quiet voice saying:

"Get. The hell. Out of here." The poor victim ran for the elevator, which Gaara has already exited, and pressed the ground floor button repeated to save his skin. Gaara then looked at scary man with long black hair, tied up, creases beneath dark red eyes with...wait a second...

"Uchiha Itachi. Don't tell me..."

"Sabaku no Gaara. Welcome to W4eva corporations. I am the head of corporation. I see you look shocked." _So that's why the receptionist wishes for my death under this man's hand...because he's capable of doing so!_ Funny enough, he wasn't faltered. Maybe something about Itachi made him believe that this man was capable of running a women's magazine company. Was it because he was fruity? No...Uchiha Sasuke was fruity compared to this man. Itachi walked over to the end a large rectangular conference desk in the middle of the room. Now that Gaara was able to look at the room, he discovered that it was the whole floor, minus the black translucent wall that seemed to divide the room from Itachi's facilities/actual office, which Gaara decided looked more stylish than an office...it even had a fridge and a minibar and a bathroom. Can't have a huge office without a bathroom, at least. Itachi sat down into his boss chair. He directed Gaara's eyes over to the chair closest to Itachi, left side of the desk.

"Please, Gaara. Sit down." _So many years have passed...and this is what happens. The world is strange, indeed._ Gaara walked over to that seat, took off his gourd, and sat down.

"Your scout came. I accepted. Get down to details." Gaara said gruffly. Itachi gave a hearty laugh.

"Direct! I like that in an employee!" He continued. "Well, you'll be filling the empty space left by a very, very stupid woman. I personally flung her into the elevator and pushed the buttons so she can get her miserable presence away from me." Itachi smiled sadistically. Gaara didn't react. He himself was like this. "In fact, I've replaced this position so many times in one year, I've lost count of how many people I've flung. Your job will be as Love Advice columnist, though technically, you're not writing a column, you'll be getting one to two pages to yourself to write trash, depending on how good the requests will be. Do a good job, and I'll reward you with lots of money and my respect. Do a poor job, and I'll throw you out of this window and make sure that the sand won't save you. And if you don't splatter your blood, flesh and bones properly on contact with the ground, I'll throw you again."

"Filling this position must be driving you insane." Gaara remarked calmly.

"You have no idea." Itachi stood up and walked around his chair. "Anyway, back with the details. There was meant to be a meeting at ten for you to meet the others and we'll brainstorm your section, but since you came early, I'll discuss some things with you. Firstly, lose the eye shadow."

"Pardon me, but this isn't eye shadow. These are dark circles from lack of sleep. Actually, from having no sleep. I'm an extreme insomniac. I don't need sleep anymore. I can answer those stupid letters requesting for advice during the night if I wanted to."

"Excellent on the work comment. Tough luck for me on the eye shadow. I would ask you to go get cosmetic surgery to get them removed, but only bad news come from those who surgically lightened their skin." Itachi shuddered. "Alright, something easier. Lose the gourd." Gaara was shocked.

"I...I can't do that!" His gourd was (almost) his life. It provided easy access to sand. And lots of it. How the heck was he going to do his shinobi work? And his deceased mother would be mighty fine pissed off.

"It's large and ugly and bulky and it's going to give you back problems in your future. And it'll contribute poorly to your image."

"My image? What's writing a column, well, one to two pages, got to do with my image!"

"You're young, and...er..." Itachi didn't want to say good looking. _We'll fix that._ "..._intelligent_ looking." Itachi emphasised "intelligent". Gaara remained indifferent at the comment deflecting the subject of his looks. Itachi continued. "And you have dark red hair. It would be good to have your face somewhere in this piece of drudgery once in a while. We do that with a lot of our good looking or charismatic workers."

"Hah. Suddenly I'm charismatic." Gaara said cynically. Shukaku, however, was quaking in urgency.

**_Don't let him take away the gourd. My livelihood depends on it!_**

_Shut up, as if I'll let him...wait..._

**_Heck no. I know what you're thinking...!_** Gaara realised that losing the gourd means Shukaku will be very, very, heartbroken. For whatever reason, it was lost on Gaara. He wanted revenge. It was all Shukaku's fault he wrote those letters. Just taking up the position is not enough.

"You know..." Gaara started, pretending to look deep in thought, which didn't work as it just looked like his normal face. "I think I might lose the gourd. It's quite heavy to carry around, I think it's only useful to have during missions, anyway..."

"Good, now we're getting somewhere." Itachi continued to pace around. "I think we'll keep your fashion sense, it's not at all bad for a Goth, and it'll add diversity to the magazine..." Gaara gave him an unimpressed look.

"You're very funny." He commented sarcastically. Itachi grinned admiringly.

"That's why you're so great! You're definitely my type of worker! You've got guts!" Itachi said excitedly. Gaara raised an eyebrow (his sand shell covers his brows) in confusion.

"Huh?"

"You're like me! We don't take shit from others. We're arseholes! Hurrah for arseholes!" Itachi punched the air with pride. Gaara gave him a blank stare. Was Itachi always like this? Gaara always thought of him emotionless...well that's what Naruto said. Sure, everyone knew Itachi was an "arsehole", but they didn't know that he was so openly proud of it. Interesting...

"Ah...look, it's 10am...time for the meeting." Itachi announced, and suddenly, the elevator beeped, its door sliding open, revealing a mass of people squished in it. Gaara couldn't hold back his gasps. He _knew_ those people. Itachi went over to them, as they exited the lift.

"Hatake Kakashi and Yuuhi Kurenai are our co-editors, even though I have the last word. They're the one's who write the editor's notes and get the name plastered all over the magazine, I'm a 'secret editor'. And Kakashi...aren't you a bit TOO early today?"

"I am?" Kakashi checked his watch. "I thought the meeting stared at nine...NO! I mean, I'm extra punctual today."

"Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka..." Gaara croaked. It was Naruto's teacher, Kakashi-sensei...what the hell was he doing being co-editor?

"Umuino Iruka and Ebisu are our proof readers and quality checkers. Jiraiya-sama is our most popular fiction section writer, because he writes the soppiest, dirtiest, most pathetic Mills and Boon I've ever read. Shizune is our resident health expert, you might have to talk with her about some of your advice, in case it contradicts with health and crap." Itachi introduced. Then one of his veins began to pulse. "But two important bastards are missing!"

"You have a lot of men working for you..."

"Actually, that's just for behind the scenes business, most of our writers are actually women." Itachi explained. "Now where are those two sons of a bitch..." Suddenly, the elevator beeped again, revealing to more people. Gaara froze, and almost blew a blood vessel. Itachi looked just as angry.

"YOU TWO ARE LATE! FRIGGIN' KAKASHI IS EARLIER THAN THE BOTH OF YOU!" He shouted at them. Then he turned to Gaara. "These two idiots are our art directors-"

"DEIDARA AND SASORI! I'LL KILL YOU!" Gaara shouted. "SABAKUKYU!" Desert Coffin The two who (almost) killed Gaara were employed by Itachi. Which was expected, considering their origins...

"HE'S GONNA KILL US! WE'VE GONE CLEAN! Sasori waved his arms frantically, his young face putting on the most innocent look possible, before the sand restricted his arms from moving.

"Well...after what we've done to him, showing him our art, it's expected, yeah." Deidara remarked, completely covered in sand, his hand eating its way out. Itachi shook his head.

"Gaara...those two are going to be working on your page design...so I think it's a good idea to let them go..."

"No."

"Oh no, we're perfectly fine here, yeah. Apart from the restriction of blood flow, and the stiffening of the muscles, it's quite comfortable and good for my posture, I'm sure Shizune-san can do something about the bloodclots later, yeah. Anyway, now we look like works of art...sand statues." Deidara said. His hand broke though the sand, and coughed out a piece of paper with scrawls all over it. "This is all we need, it has all the ideas, yeah."

"I'm not comfortable..." Sasori complained with a bored look on his face. "Why don't you let us go? We both came from the Suna village, we're practically like family!"

"Leave our origins out of this." Gaara muttered threateningly. Itachi glared furiously at those two.

"Be quiet! Be like Deidara and get used to it, Sasori, you're practically a grown man (though with boyish looks). And Gaara, the meeting goddamn started already." Itachi went to his boss seat. "Everyone, take your places." He sat down as everyone sat down. "Firstly, and most importantly, is that Gaara's section must have a new name. It shall not and will not be called 'Ask Nina', for reasons too obvious to be said."

"How about just stick with 'Ask Gaara'?' Ebisu suggested, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. Itachi almost threw a book at him.

"How about...NO! The boy's nineteen! As if we'll give him something so corny! I need something more hip..."

"We have some ideas, yeah..." Deidara started, only to be rudely interrupted by Itachi.

"Hell no, after you suggested to make the magazines explosive, and Sasori walking around as an ugly brute with a puppet's tail, we only want your suggestions when desperate. Just shut up and stick with designing pages."

"How about 'Love with Gaara'?" Shizune started. Itachi glared.

"Even your medical skills won't save you."

"Come Come Gaara's Paradise?" Kakashi.

"You're taking copying too seriously there."

"Love4eva?" Kurenai.

"Wanna die?"

"Sleep with Gaara!" Jiraiya.

"Get out."

"I don't get a say in this, now, do I?" Gaara questioned. Iruka laughed uneasily.

"Hmm...you don't. Especially if Itachi has his mind fixed on an idea. But Itachi's gut feeling is usually right anyway." Iruka answered. Deidara waved his only free hand up and down, waving his paper.

"Hey! Look at me! We have sane ideas! Look at the paper! We have only one title suggestion! Hear it and we'll shut up, yeah!"

"What he said." Sasori piped in, smiling, while looking lethargic. Deidara tried to position his hand to read the note.

"Erm...Sasori...I seem to have forgotten which one we concluded with, can you read-"

"Can't see it."

"Okay...Shizune-san, may you help me read this please, yeah?" Deidara asked politely in a good natured manner. Shizune sighed and took the paper from his freakish hand.

"They suggested 'Love Style'." she read. Itachi scratched his chin.

"Love Style?"

"Yeah! Love Style, cos it doesn't mention Gaara's name at all! It reduces corniness (slightly), and if Gaara gets killed...or worse of all, _fired_, then we can still use it for the next person, yeah!" Deidara explained. Sasori was taking a nap. Itachi frowned. He turned to Gaara.

"Tighten your grip on Sasori and wake him up."

"With pleasure."

"Eep!"

"Love Style..." Kurenai began, ignoring Sasori's angry cries in the background, resting her chin in her hands, leaning on the table, red eyes deep in thought. "It's a pun! It can also mean love style as is 'I love style' with 'love' as a verb, as well as style describing love! I like it!" Deidara's face gleamed.

"Finally! Someone who appreciates true art, yeah!"

"It certainly is bold, and has an implication on fashion with the word 'style'..." Kakashi added.

"Less corny, that's for sure, more hip than the other suggestions and all names we had so far..." Ebisu remarked.

"Alright! Let's go with 'Love Style' then! Good work, Deidara, Sasori." concluded their permemantly Sharingan-ed boss. Gaara couldn't believe the result.

"I beg your pardon? Love Style? Am I the only one who thinks this is stupid?" Gaara asked, slightly offended. Itachi glared menacingly at his directing, his Sharingan reading for action. Gaara sighed in defeat. "I'll take that as a yes." Iruka gave a small smile, amused.

"As I said, when Itachi's got his mind fixed, there's no changing it. Anyway, it's much better than the other suggestions...like Jiraiya's..."

_**Sucked in. You're going to be writing 'Love Style'...**_

_And you'll be watching me do it._

**_Urgh...that's sick! _**Gaara was definitely confused at Shukaku's last remark.

_What's sick?_ Seeing he got no response, Gaara ignored Shukaku and returned his attention to those with physical bodies.

"Damn, I'll have to live with it." Gaara groaned.

"Precisely. Now, I'll get one of my employees to show you to your new office, and you'll organise sometime with Deidara and Sasori for your page designs...Kakashi or Kurenai will set your deadlines after you've settled and we get everything started..." Itachi buzzed one of his secretaries to get someone up to show Gaara around, threatening his secretaries as usual. "Someone will meet you downstairs, Gaara, just wait for him or her. Alright! Dismissed!" Everyone stood up and left, except for Deidara and Sasori, who were still Sabakukyu-ed. Gaara, reluctantly let them go. He was still furious...now with added flames as they named his column so horribly.

"Gaara, wait just a moment." Itachi stopped Gaara. "I need you to fill in a form for employment, and to discuss issues of payment."

"Alright." Gaara walked over. Itachi gave him a form, with official details that need to be filled in, with one already filled in. Agreed wage. Gaara's mental jaw dropped. His exterior was composed, but only just. It was a _nice_ figure.

"Considering W4eva gets good sales, I tend to pay higher initial wages to my employees as a boost on self-esteem and morale. I hope you find this sum quite to your taste?" _Heck yeah!_ But like hell Gaara was going to say that out loud.

"Yes, it is quite a decent sum. Do I fill in the rest now?"

"Take your time, just remember, if you don't hand it in ASAP to one of my assistants, you won't get paid even if you wrote shit loads of replies, and I don't think you're the type to do charity work for magazines..."

"You'll get it tomorrow." He was getting paid more than he did as a high rank shinobi...no wonder Itachi chose to run a magazine company. Maybe this job wasn't so bad after all...

_To be continued...with next chapter, of course._

AN: Finally, a completed, yet not a powerful chapter. Oh well, at least Gaara's employed. Itachi is boss haha, I couldn't help myself...I had no control of my fingers. He's out of character mainly to suit his role, but he's still got (or should have) his sadistic touch. And now you know why this story's called "Love Styled Cold Style" it's mucking about with Gaara's coldness and his section name. I attempted to proof read this...but it's so late at night...I just skimmed it. More chappies soon


	3. More Irony

AN: Hallo again, darlinks! Another serving of Cold Style, coming up! Heh heh, thanks for reading, all, and for the nice reviews. January people rock! (randomness) Also, to answer some review questions, Deidara and Sasori are members of Akatsuki, Deidara has a mouth in one of his hands which can make clay figures that explode and he is also obssessed with art especially, "fleeting" art, that is, art which explodes in your face (or worse). Sasori is a puppet master (even more so than Kankurou) and if he's not dressed as a puppet, he looks extremely young (though he is so not). Thanks for your suggestions as well, they were very useful and inspiring XD

Chapter 3: More Irony

Ino was pacing to and fro in front of the elevator doors on the sixth level. Itachi was saying something about her having to take their new Love Advice columnist around and show him to his cubicle, which was next to hers. Ino sighed. Rumour was spreading that Sabaku no Gaara was the new columnist, which was the most stupidest thing she heard all week. Oh, she was so wrong. The elevator doors opened to reveal none other than Gaara himself.

"WHAT! You've got to be kidding..." Ino pinched herself. This must be some horrible nightmare. Ino felt pain rush through her arm, she pinched a bit too hard due to shock. Gaara stepped out of the elevator and looked at her indifferently.

"Who are you?" he asked in his normal tone, that is, eerily dangerous. Ino almost jumped.

"Ga-Gaara, don't you remember me? I'm Yamanaka Ino, I guess the only time we saw each other would probably be the Chuunin exams." Pause. Gaara only vaguely remembered.

"You were Haruno Sakura's opponent. Vain, loudmouth, annoying...yes, I remember." Gaara pondered. Ino frowned. She had a feeling that work for her would be unsatisfying with Gaara around.

"Yes, I was Sakura's opponent and best friend. And from now on, your working area is next to mine. I don't know who's worse off..."

"You are. I don't care." Gaara retorted smugly. Ino sighed.

"Anyway, I'm meant to give you a tour and introduce you and so on and so forth, so lets move." Ino lead the way, Gaara walking patiently behind her.

"So..." Gaara speaking. Ino thought that was a first. "What do you do here?"

"I'm part of the Arts and Crafts team. Deidara and Sasori were part of the team until the got promoted. Now we're missing a clay worker and a puppet maker...not that that matters...those two are insane." Ino answered. "Shikamaru works here too, he works on all the fun pages with riddles and crosswords...sometimes he makes them too hard though. Chouji is also here, he's one of the food critics..." Gaara was at a lost.

"Shikamaru...works?" Gaara sounded truly surprised. Shikamaru working extra jobs was more of a shock than Shikamaru working in a woman's magazine company, considering he was a bit of a misogynist. Actually, that was just as shocking now that it sunk in. Gaara suddenly felt cheated by his friend. He never knew this. "He never told me he worked."

"Well...there he is." Ino pointed. Gaara glared at Shikamaru, was was putting change into a vending machine to get a drink.

"Sabakukyu!" Gaara cried out, clenching his fist, engulfing Shikamaru in sand.

"Oi! What the hell are you doing?" Shikamaru droned. Gaara just gave him his normal face, that is, calmly dangerous.

"You lied to me, some friend you are. I can't believe you work."

"Correction, I never lied to you. I merely did not tell you minor details...especially since...this is a _woman's_ magazine..." Shikamaru whispered. Gaara tightened his grip.

"Are you a man or not? A man does not fear what he does!" Gaara said, Shikamaru spluttering.

"Alright, whatever you say. Troublesome. I'm sure we can negotiate this without me having to lose my life..."

"No. You can do the explaining from there."

"GAARA! STOP FOOLING AROUND! I HAVE TO SHOW YOU AROUND, AND I HAVE TO FINISH MY SECTION BEFORE TOMORROW! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" Ino shouted. Gaara and Shikamaru looked at her, surprised (and scared). Was Gaara's touch of fear beginning to fade?

"Do what she says, or she'll kill you even if she has to fight your barrier." Shikamaru warned. Gaara let Shikamaru go.

"Now let's move!" and Ino marched ahead, steaming with frustration.

"Oi, I'm meeting the other guys after work. Come with us, okay?" and then Shikamaru turned back to the vending machine. "This is troublesome...some prick pressed some buttons and ran off with my drink...bastards..." Gaara followed Ino to their work area.

"I have another question...why am I working next to you when you are an Arts and Crafts writer?"

"Don't ask me, ask the Boss." Ino didn't turn as she answered that.

"Also..." Gaara wasn't done. "Why are you working for Itachi? Isn't he a traitor?"

"He came back, and announced himself clean. Then he decided to re-launch his mother's business, W4eva magazine. But in order to do that, he needed workers. He had Deidara, Sasori, others from Akatsuki, but they weren't exactly the best pick for stuff women need. So..." Ino turned back to face Gaara "He kidnapped me, and a few others. We're your first workers. Funny enough, he managed to win our trust though. He's a good boss despite his sadism." _Right...I've definitely and truly gone insane. This woman is complementing Itachi. Hum._ "All the new workers, such as yourself, are employed the normal way though. Okay, here's your desk." Ino pointed to an empty desk with a state-of-the-art computer. Gaara looked at it. So bland. "And this is mine." Ino directed Gaara's eyes over to her desk, which was covered with flowers and pictures of...

"Uchiha Sasuke...you're still part of his fanclub?" Gaara asked, only to receive no answer. Ino has already entered lala land.

"He's so mysterious and dreamy..." Ino rasped, eyes sparkling. Gaara almost threw up.

"And you're blind."

"Ino! I brought lunch!" A new voice broke their conversation. They turned to see a pink haired kunoichi, who was also a medic in Konoha hosiptal.

"Sakura!" Ino cried happily, waving her friend over. "You came to visit!"

"Yeah, I had a short shift today...OH MY GOD!" Sakura's cheerful face went pale with fear. "GA-GA-GA-GA..."

"Sabaku no Gaara, if you've forgotten. I attempted to kill you once." Gaara greeted. Sakura waved his greeting off.

"I know that! I just want to know why you're here! In a woman's magazine company!" She looked around to check whether she was at the right place. This was Gaara in front of her, cold-hearted Gaara, in a woman's magazine company. A woman's magazine company!

"I'm the new Love Advice columnist." Gaara replied. A small moment of silence passed between them, before Sakura burst into peals of laughter.

"Oh my god! That's really funny! I never imagined you the type to joke around, Gaara!" Then she noticed that Gaara and Ino weren't laughing.

"I don't like joking around."

"He's bloody serious, Sakura. It's one hundred percent true."

"WHAT!" Sakura almost fainted from disbelief. Gaara was wondering whether or not to kill her then dispose of her body.

_**Don't do it, it'll look bad in your resume.**_

_Shut up. But you're right there. I'll only listen to you this one last time._

---

"Okay, I finished filling in the employment form, all my tax details and what not, where do I hand it in?" Gaara asked Ino, who was typing non-stop to get her segment finished. Sakura left looking rather dazed.

"Front desk will do everything for you."

"Alright."

"Um...Gaara?" Ino stopped talking.

"Yes?"

"Since you're the new love advisor, it definitely means you can give decent advice, right?"

"No. I _bluff_ good advice." Gaara answered. Ino raised an eyebrow. She decided not to delve to deeply into his statement.

"Well, can you give me some advice on how to make Sasuke be attracted to me?" Ino asked. Gaara didn't even give himself time to think.

"No, and no amount of advice will get him to notice you that way." came the answer. Ino finally remembered that Gaara was not so nice.

---

"Love Advisor! No way!" Naruto cried, mouth full of ramen.

"Nope, it's true, he tried to kill me." Shikamaru confirmed. Gaara just sat by, looking indifferent. Kiba laughed.

"Well, then it must be true. Did you see my sister? She was at the company today, she writes some of the animal care articles." Kiba grinned. Chouji was stuffing himself with food, while Lee was eating like his youth depended on it. Neji was being the gentlemanly person he always is. Shino managed to get a cockroach away from the group before anyone killed it. Like Gaara.

"No, I didn't see her. Ino did a bad job of taking me around."

"Typical Ino-pig." Naruto mused as he called the waiter over for another bowl of ramen. "The ramen here is not bad, Chouji!"

"See! I told you so!" Chouji replied with his mouth full of barbecued pork.

"So, why did you take the job?" Kiba asked.

"Revenge." Silence. They were wondering against who.

"Shukaku." That scared them. It was as if Gaara could read minds.

"No, it was just predictable." They decided to stop thinking altogether.

"The pay's good though, yeah? I took up the job only because of the pay. Its much better than working as a shinobi, and much less troublesome." Shikamaru remarked. Gaara merely nodded.

"Sorry I'm late." a deep voice greeted them. They turned to see Sasuke, all garbed in expensive designer label clothing, his skin flawless and his hair soft and well styled.

"What the hell have they done to you!" Naruto asked his friend, completely frightened. Sasuke sat down at their table in the spare seat.

"I just finished a shoot, didn't even have time to change." he answered. Neji understood Gaara's blank look, as it was more blank than usual.

"He's a model now, they just launched him. He'll be appearing on milk commercials very soon."

"Interesting career move." Gaara remarked, not looking very excited. Like every other male apart from Lee.

"He's treasuring his youth and beauty! I support you all the way, Sasuke-kun!" Lee gave them his nice-guy pose. In fact he's perfected the nice-guy pose to the point that his grin was truly blinding. Only Shino remained unaffected due to his permanently worn sunglasses.

"I told you they're not just for show."

---

"Hey, Gaara, Naruto told me you're a Love Advice columnist now...?" Sasuke asked Gaara. They were walking home together, as both their houses were in the same direction. Actually, Gaara's apartment and Sasuke's estate were in the same direction.

"Yes."

"Well...I was wondering, what should I do if there was a girl I liked, and I want to ask her out...?"

"A girl from work?"

"Yeah." Gaara looked at Sasuke. He certainly did look like he needed some help. And he wasn't being his usual big-headed, arrogant, angst-ridden teen. Bluffing time.

"Does she feel the same with you?" Gaara asked, feeling like a love therapist.

"I don't know, I mean, she's nice to me and everything."

"Well, if you're unsure, you should do some observing. Not stalking. _Observing_. Treat her more special than you treat other girls. If she responds by trying to keep you distant, then obviously she's not returning the love. Then you should move on. If she behaves otherwise, you may have a chance. How you take that chance is up to you. Just remember, you may fail in your quest, and so expect the worst at all times. However, if you chicken out and don't ask her if you see you have a chance, then you would have failed immediately, and you'll may regret not asking her for quite a while. It's all up to you, Sasuke, take your time and be patient." Gaara finished. Sasuke looked at him in surprise.

"You know, I'll accept the advice and everything...but did you know how scary that was since it came out of your mouth?" Sasuke cried. Gaara shook his head.

"You have no idea how mush I scared myself while saying that junk."

---

Gaara began to look at a whole bunch of request letters aka trash. While his segment was not due until next week when his layout design was complete, his first column was to be a four page debut special, as in they needed that to make up for the current, loveless week, and make it sound like "they really do care". Temari welcomed herself into his room again.

"Oi, just reminding you, type quietly, we can hear the keyboard in our rooms, you know."

"Don't care. And would you PLEASE knock for once?" Gaara cried. Temari just marched out. Gaara scoffed. "I pity the guy who's gonna be stuck with her..."

"I heard that." Temari cried back from outside Gaara's room. Gaara decided to ignore her. He took the first letter in his pile and read it.

_Dear Nina, _Heh, they still don't know she's been axed

_I'm love with a boy at school_ how old are these people? _but the problem is, so does other girls, 'cos he's like, the most popular guy in school, so yeah. I'm the most popular girl in school, all the boys want me, but he doesn't even look at me? Is he gay or what? How do -_

"That's it, I'm not going to even finish reading it, let alone answer this one." Gaara scrunched it up and threw into the paper recycling bin he just recently set up. Five hours later, with everyone in the building asleep, he already disposed of one hundred and twenty four letters, and kept only three. Some were so long, yet strangely intriguing, that kept Gaara reading, however, if he couldn't be bothered to answer it, it would still be recycled. Seeing how he has kept so few letters, he thought he might rummage through the bin to get the more decent letters back. As he began to send his sand into the bin to start rummaging, he heard a sound rapping against his window. He turned, and saw rocks bounce of the glass. He frowned. Whoever's doing that is going to die. He looked out his window and saw no one. He opened it. A rock headed straight for him, only to be stopped by a wall of sand. He looked down.

"Sakura. What are you doing here?" he asked coldly. She smiled innocently.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"There's this miraculous invention called the phone. Naruto has my mobile number. You could have just asked him."

"Yeah...but Sasuke would find out. And I don't want him to know that I wanted to talk to you." Sakura answered. "Can't you come down? It's so late and we'll wake people up like this." Gaara was situated on the third floor. Which means they were making a lot of noise. He materialised into a cloud of sand and reformed beside Sakura.

"Let's go somewhere so we won't be heard."

"Just speak, woman. You only wanted to ask something, did you not?" Gaara was fixed in one position. Sakura sighed.

"Alright." She saw Gaara look at her dangerously. She gulped. "I just read some of the advice you gave in a previous issue of W4eva...and well..."

"Well?" Gaara was getting impatient. He still has garbage to rummage through. Sakura's face changed from fear to determination.

"I want some advice to pick up Sasuke."

_To be continued...with chapter 4..._

AN: WHAT WILL GAARA'S ANSWER BE? Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Gaara gave Sasuke advice! (but not the girls, hah!) I don't even know if that's good advice...I'm bluffing it too Anyway, this chapter was short-ish, but with less going on. Ho di hum. But we will get to witness Sasuke doing his model work (and cringe or drool, depending what type of fan you are. I think I'll be the former...cos I'll be the one writing it...-sweatdrop-) Also, if your wouldn't mind doing so, place some suggestions about love problems and solutions for them (if possible). Send them via email or review. As I'm also a bluffer, some really horrible advice might be given instead (whistles)...so I'm just being cautious...


	4. Rivalry of All Types

AN: More Cold Style! Fun for the whole family (sarcastic). Anyway, thanks for more reviews! -dances- Those love suggestions are really good! Now I need to think up solutions for the ones without (ponders). Now for review questions: Sasuke's vengeance quest is probably over, at least placed on hold, I'm not sure whether I'll delve into it (actually...I might. Itachi's background stuff to be looked into. Note that Itachi plays a way bigger role in this that Sasuke, mainly because he's the boss, even though Sasuke's the object of many females' desires), but it's along the lines of Sasuke being convinced by a MASS of people to give Itachi a chance. Of course, we all know that it's HIGHLY unlikely that you'll give up a quest for vengeance so easily, considering that it's your entire clan that is being avenged, parents especially. So the reason I have for that is, it's taking too long for Sasuke to become stronger, and he is growing weary. With that in mind, and the pressure around him to get him to stop, plus Itachi going clean, he's halting his quest. There we go, an undeveloped reason. And that Sasori...how can someone so cute (awwwww...-pats his head-) be so evil? (was reading Naruto manga) Alright, no more rant.

Chapter 4: Rivalry of All Types

"Absolutely not." Gaara answered Sakura immediately. Sakura looked crestfallen.

"You didn't even give it a moment's thought!"

"Definitely not. There's no way you will convince me to do otherwise. This love you have for Sasuke is merely superficial."

"Gaara! Please! Asking you means I'm very desperate!"

"Then do what every other desperate person does: write me a letter. Whether I read it or not depends on my mood. Now if you don't mind, I have gar - I mean, I have _work_ to go through." Gaara ended and disappeared into a cloud of sand, floating back into his room. Sakura stood there, dumbfounded. He rejected her plea for help. Sakura wouldn't have asked him unless she knew that he was good, and from what she read, he really was. She was going to get Gaara's help, whether he liked it or not. She was _that_ desperate.

---

The smell of coffee was tempting Ino. Whoever had that cup was going to die. Or she could just go make herself one. She decided it was too much effort to go kill that person, and so she decided it was better to just go make one.

"Hey, Gaara, I'm going to the kitchen want anything, like coffee, tea, biscuits?" Ino asked. Then she noticed that Gaara was too entranced reading something on his computer screen to here her, not to mention, he was sipping what smelt to be really strong coffee from a Starbucks cup. The idea of Gaara actually walking into Starbucks and purchasing something was very surprising. Ino realised the origin of the aroma. Gaara's cup. But something was not right. She snatched it out his hand and sniffed it.

"This aroma is really overpowering!" she cried. Gaara smirked.

"Have a sip. I don't have any contagious diseases." he offered. Ino, afraid of what he might do if she refused (he had that devious look on his face, he might kill her) so she took a sip. And spat it out, scouring her tongue with her fingers.

"What the hell was that! It was so bloody strong! And I don't taste any sugar!"

"Precisely. You know what they say about coffee keeping you awake, well, I've drank it everyday now for most of my life...it doesn't work, so I ditched the sugar, bought the stronger stuff, still doesn't work. Moral of that story, coffee doesn't keep you awake. But it's a habit now, so I drink too much of it. Now will you allow me to return to my work?" Gaara explained. Ino returned Gaara his cup then backed away very slowly, before turning and walking briskly away from the strange youth. She never realised how much he spoke. It was a _lot_. Gaara turned back to the computer screen, and was about to start typing, when he felt the presence of a hated enemy. Gaara would have Sabakukyu-ed this person had he brought his gourd.

_**Now don't you wish you had your gourd...?**_ Shukaku cackled smugly.

_Shut up. I'll handle this myself, _without_ any gourd._

"Deidara. What do you want?" Gaara spun his swivel chair around to face Deidara, who was about to smack a manila folder filled with design templates on Gaara's head. Deidara grinned sheepishly.

"Hey, got a few templates I want you to look at, and then once you choose some, we can make some designs for you to choose from, yeah." Deidara explained, nodding at the same time, his fair hair bouncing up and down. Gaara frowned.

"And to do that, you must attack my head?"

"Not really, but I thought it would be an ice-breaker. Wrong I was, though, yeah." Deidara pulled over Ino's swivel chair and sat down, then commenced opening his manila folder. He took out the sheets and handed them over to Gaara. "These are the basic templates for our magazine, we can't stray from these settings, else the whole magazine will be inconsistent and look messy, yeah. The ones I brought are the ones I thought would be easy for you letter and reply format. Also..." Deidara took out another sheet. It was a colour table. "These are the set colour schemes that the magazine uses. As I said before, we can only make minor teaks to the scheme, or it'll look out of place, yeah." Gaara looked at the templates and the colour chart. Nothing caught his eye. No wonder he never studied art or design. It was completely out of his league. Much as he hated to, he must ask Deidara for suggestions.

"Well, which would you think would look best?" Gaara asked coldly. Deidara grinned. The mouth on the palm his hand snickered and then resumed looking weird.

"Well, we would have to take into consideration your image and personality, as well as what appeals to the readers." Deidara looked through his templates "I would think that you would like a more simple design, less cluttering, decent number of images, yeah. I would go for template number 35. It's a minimalist design, see how the border consists only of a bold line, and a thin one, there's lots of space within columns, as well between images and text. Maximum of two images per page, and they're only medium in size. The header is of a decent size, the letters are simple, they're not bold, no underlining, no italics, the pen thickness is thin, and if you feel like it, there's also enough room for a subheading, yeah. How do you feel about this one? It's all up to you."

"Let's go with 35 then. I have no clue over anything related to design." Gaara answered. Deidara shrugged.

"Well, if you have any disagreements, say so, yeah. Now onto the colour scheme." Deidara took the colour chart. "While you seem to be a red and black type person, I don't think that a love advice page should be heavily covered in black. Black text for the bulk, white background for the entire page, with only special queries and replies in a borderless box with a red background. Bold border is red, thin will be black. "Love" will be red, "Style" will be grey. Your name will be black. Headings for each letter will be red, names in grey. How goes that, yeah?"

"As long as there's no pink, I'm happy." Gaara shuddered at the thought of pink. And what happened to pop into view at that very moment. A young female with pink hair, walk straight towards him, next to Ino. "Hell no." Deidara looked over to what Gaara was looking at.

"So which are you checking out, Sakura or Ino?" Deidara questioned mischievously.

"Heck, I work next to Ino, I'm already bored of her, I've only worked for two hours already." _Two more till lunch break. Good._ "Anyway, as if I'll check any of those two out when you can get hotter females at a random nightclub." Deidara shrugged.

"Whatever you say. Of course, I know that those two haven't dropped Sasuke from their hearts yet. Sakura makes heaps of trips here to visit us during her off hours. She knows everyone, so we know her life too, yeah. I think Jiraiya was thinking of writing a Mills and Boon based on her."

"That pervert." Gaara remarked. Deidara laughed.

"Damn straight." He turned to Ino and Sakura, who just reached them. Ino looked angry. Deidara put on his charming-angel expression. "Hark! I can see again, yeah! Ino-chan! Sakura-chan! Such beauty!" Gaara wanted to puke. Ino stamped her foot.

"Deidara! What are you doing in my chair!"

"I'm warming it for you. Now when you sit in it, my presence will always be with you, yeah" Deidara answered, his words filled with mock sugar. Ino grabbed his manila folder and smacked him with it repeatedly, until he grabbed it out of her hands.

"Well, I must go see Itachi, and then I have a date during lunch break. Sorry, girls, I'll radiate you with my aura next time, yeah." And he left before either Ino or Sakura could stab him with a sharp pen or a pair of scissors.

_5 minutes later...top floor..._

Deidara frowned. The top floor was completely empty.

"Where the hell is Itachi!"

---

Itachi walked along the pathway of a bustling street. It wasn't his fault he felt like some quality tiramisu, which the company cafe did not provide. He held the box in his right hand and checked his watch, which was on his left wrist. Five past eleven. He was meant to met Deidara at eleven. Deidara's gonna pretty pissed off...Itachi will just have to outdo him with violent shouting. He was too busy planning his evil speech that he didn't notice someone ran into and bounced off him and landed with a thud on the ground. Itachi frowned and looked at the bundle in front of him, rubbing her sore behind, as well as her head from the collision into Itachi's chest.

"Oi! Look where you were going!" he reprimanded harshly. The bundle swept her dark blue fringe from her white eyes and looked at him.

"I-I-I'm sorry..." Hinata apologised, and struggled to get up, without avail. It seemed that she injured her feet as she fell. She winced in pain. A crowd was beginning to gather. Itachi gulped nervously. They would think this was his doing, which in fact, it was. They would be expecting him to hold some form of responsibility.

"So, uh...you're that Hyuuga girl, the one who started working in the hospital, right?" Itachi asked, loudly to hide the nervousness from the gathering crowd.

"Y-y-yes..."

"Are you okay, miss? Did this red-eyed man hurt you?" came a voice from the crowd. Seems like they forgot who he was. Itachi was unimpressed. They all knew who is brother was, dammit.

"Should we call the Academy? He looks dangerous..."

"Don't worry! We'll protect you, miss!"

"I can't believe he dared hurt such a nice looking girl..."

"I know some really good law firms..." If this goes on anymore, Itachi might hurt someone. But then if anything happens to him, it'll tarnish the name of his clan, and his rising-star-brother, but worse of all, it'll tarnish the name of his company. _Wait a sec...am I getting my priorities mixed up...? Stuff it, I must get out of this mess!_

"She's fine!" Itachi cried to the crowd. He turned to Hinata. "Are you working at the moment?" He asked coldly, though his tone was softened.

"No..." She answered, and Itachi swept Hinata up into his arms, while being careful to not crush his cake in the process.

"Alright, you're coming with me! I will take responsibility of what happened!" He glared angrily at the crowd. "Happy?"

"Y-y-you can put me down...I can heal up these injurie-"

"Shut up! We're going!" Itachi stomped off, Hinata fearfully in his arms. She wouldn't want to know what will happen to her if she refused to come with him.

---

"Hmm...it seems this building got classier since I last visited...don't you think so, Kabuto?" A middle-aged man with long dark hair and pasty skin walked into W4eva head office, a silver haired twenty six year young man with circular rimmed glasses in tow. His sinister yellow eyes scanned the room.

"I would say so, Orochimaru-sama, but it makes no difference. It's the magazine that counts." his silver haired subordinate replied. Gaara, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino and Sakura just exited the elevator (it was 1pm, lunch time) as they saw these two. They all frowned and cursed, all except Gaara. He was oblvious to the situation.

"Orochimaru is the head of a rival magazine company, Seduction." Shikamaru told Gaara. Gaara paused.

"Seduction...sounds better than W4eva." Gaara remarked. He received four death glares. "I'm stating the truth. W4eva is a very corny name."

"He makes various visits to piss us off. His magazine is the most bought magazine in Konoha." Chouji continued. "It's also sold in other countries."

"And Kabuto...?" Gaara pointed. Kabuto was looking rather smug.

"He's deputy editor and health expert, he's got a medical degree from Princeton. Orochimaru, unlike Itachi, prefers to be Editor." Ino answered. Shikamaru nodded.

"There's another reason they wanna kill each other too...Orochimaru wants Sasuke to be in his magazine, and only his magazine. Itachi doesn't allow it, not as a company head, but as a brother. Something about Orochimaru being a dangerous sleazy old man, or so Kisame said. Oh look, Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei and Shizune are here now..." Shikamaru pointed out.

"What are you doing here?" Kakashi asked the two visitors lazily.

"Just visiting. Is Itachi in?"

"No, but we are, yeah." Deidara stepped out, Sasori and Jiraiya behind him. Jiraiya frowned.

"Is it important business, Orochimaru? There's no way Itachi will let you have Sasuke, even if you grovel." Jiraiya warned dangerously. Orochimaru scoffed.

"He'll come to me, that boy." He laughed. "His brother's overprotective behaviour will be his downfall." Kabuto smirked at Shizune.

"How goes your work, Shizune-san? My thesis was recently accepted, I'm going to get my Ph.D, the graduation ceremony's in two weeks. Would you like to go? Or will you be too embarrassed to come?" Kabuto smirked. Shizune clenched her fists. Deidara waved off Kabuto's comment.

"You're one hundred years too early to be saying stuff like that, yeah. If I were so brilliant, I wouldn't be working at a magazine company." Deidara spat playfully. Sasori smirked.

"Especially, that Orochimaru, I heard he likes young men for dinner." Sasori winked. "Hint hint, nudge nudge."

"Oi, let's get outta here." Chouji suggested. They nodded, and then walked around, pretending not to notice. Only that Orochimaru noticed a certain redhead first.

"Ah, Sabaku no Gaara, I never knew you were the type to work in a magazine company." He said. Gaara turned his ice-cold pale green eyes onto Orochimaru.

"You better believe it." Gaara replied, his voice low and dangerous. His normal voice. "I'm their new Love Advice columnist." Orochimaru laughed. That was the funniest thing he heard all week.

"Are you joking? I never knew you as one to joke." Pause. Gaara made no changes to his stoic facial expression. Orochimaru froze. "You're...not joking...?"

"I don't joke." Was it really so hard to believe?

**_I can't believe it myself. _**Shukaku thought.

_Quiet. Why must you always interrupt my flow of thought?_

**_I make it my business to._** Gaara decided to ignore Shukaku. Again.

"Well...erm...I'll be leaving...now..." Orochimaru said as he slowly backed away. As he reached the doors, he made a run for it, Kabuto following suit. Gaara was indifferent. He has lost count of how many people has slowly backed away from him nad ran for their lives. Although this run would be one of the few in which the person ran more in disbelief, which was becoming more frequent recently.

Suddenly, Itachi came bursting in...with a girl in his arms. People were beginning to think that they were hallucinating, or whether or not they missed their pills.

"Shizuneeeeeeee! Do something about this girl! Make sure she's completely and fully healed! I don't want anyone suing me!" Itachi shouted, heading straight to the infirmary. Seeing that no one moved (they were too shocked to), Itachi spun his head and shouted some more. "I'LL DOCK YOU PAY!" Shizune moved immediately. Sakura, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji, seeing their friend was the poor victim in Itachi's arms, ran after them. Gaara didn't move, but followed after a brief moment. He found Itachi's sudden burst of paranoia to be highly entertaining. Hinata made quiet protests.

"I'm fine, I can heal myself, I won't sue you or anything, it was my fault..."

"Quiet! We do things my way!" Itachi demanded before placing her onto a bed in the infirmary. He turned to Shizune. "Now work your magic...you too, Sakura, seeing that you're here." Sakura had three reasons why she helped Hinata: Hinata was her friend, the fact that every person with an ailment must be a patient, friend or for, and that Itachi was Sasuke's older brother and being in his favour might pay off.

No less that a couple of minutes, and Hinata was healed up. It was only light injuries that were suffered, and Sakura and Shizune couldn't help but giggle and smirk at Itachi when he wasn't looking. Hinata was different though.

"Thanks, Sakura, Shizune-san." She turned to Itachi. "Th-thank you, Itachi-san." Then something happened which made anyone wish they had a camera for blackmail purposes. Itachi _blushed_.

"Just don't sue me...I aided you in your recovery. Yes I did."

A moment of silence passed between all in the infirmary. It was interrupted by Itachi telling them off for standing there looking baffled and stupid and to get back to work.

_To be continued...with chapter 5..._

AN: Bah...this chapter, I guess is another introductory one...with Orochimaru showing up, Gaara and Deidara finally working better together, and Itachi in a major pratfall...aww. Also, I will explain it in the coming chapter, but Hinata is also a medical nin and works at the hospital along with Sakura. Her Byakugan makes a fine aid, yes? Haha, Itachi almost go busted for hurting her...I chose her on purpose because she's got such a timid personality, and to see Itachi (almost) fall from grace because of a timid girl is amusing...alright, maybe it's not, but what the heck. More Sakura nagging Gaara in upcoming chapters. Also more pairings coming (obviously), where Gaara may/may not lay a finger in...Shikamaru x Temari is a definite for this fic...that's the pairing I like best in _Naruto_, oh the conflicting personalities! And we know Sasuke will get that random girl and Sakura will get all jealous (whether he stay with the random girl is in question)...Ino's my problem at the moment. I have all these possible guys to pair her up with...I probably won't do a KibaIno, as I'm currently doing one (I love Kiba X3)...oh well, worry about later. I haven't proofread this yet...so percentage of mistakes is high (as usual).


	5. Prince of Ardour: Not Just your Ave Joe

AN: More chapters! Thanks for the reviews (kowtows). I heart you all XD. Sorry about the late chapter! (gomen gomen) Anyway, more stuff to clarify fwafwah: Deidara does repeated say something in his sentences, but depending on which subbed version you read (manga I'm speaking of), it can be either "Hnn" or "Yeah"...of course, I read both popular subs, and I think in the way Deidara put his sentences, "yeah" would make more sense. In fact, I just found out the actual romaji for the word he says is "Un", and if I was (underline "was") taught correctly during my two years of studying jap, it's a casual way of saying "yes" ie "Yeah". Which is why I decided to use "yeah" instead of "hn". I would change it to "Un" to be culturally correct, but that means changing the other 4 chapters, so I'll do that, later. Oh well (shrugs). Next thing to clarify is Deidara's gender. I was actually once a "Deidara's so female...un" person until they changed "she" into "he". I also checked many other sites for clarification, and so far, he's 80 male. He also has a deep husky manly voice in episode 135, but that says nothing, cos I have a very deep guy-ish voice and I'm 100 female (last I checked.) And if Haku is male, then Deidara should definitely be male, as he looks more manlier save the hair. He also acts manlier too...but so do tomboys (like me). What the heck, if he turns out to be a girl, I can fix that, I mean, in a story where Gaara is a love advisor, anything's possible! So, in conclusion, IN THIS FANFIC, DEIDARA IS MALE. Heh, this whole rant is Deidara-orientated. This chapter was late due to two reasons: Deidara and uni. Gomen gomen. Anyway, I should have more Sakura nagging Gaara, as well a snippet of Gaara's column. So let us progress! By the way, to the person who's in love with Gaara and claims "Gaara is mine..." I don't mind, I'm sure he wants to share the love (wink). Anyway, I have my not-as-popular Kiba (strokes Kiba, who wants to get away as far as possible...). And Sasori is a puppet? Damn! Did you see his body? You could tell he had a pretty good body before he puppetised himself. ANYWAAAAAAY...

Chapter 5: Prince of Ardour - Not just your Average Joe

Home time came, eventually, much to everyone's glee. They were starving, due to the fact they missed true lunch time, as Itachi slave-drove the infirmary witnesses more than usual to show he was serious. Gaara didn't care though. This was actually refreshing to him. He never got slave-driven before. Shunned, neglected, shooed, but never slave-driven. The interest died fast, though. He actually began appreciate being left without work. However, this left him with a completed set of four pages. Deidara and Sasori took a copy, as they wanted to make a special debut layout for Gaara's first issue. They even forced him to stand across the street, and left a camera in front of the company for a while, just to take a fancy shot of Gaara looking like, well, Gaara, and the bustling street looking like a blur. Gaara didn't care about the technical side of this shot. All he knew was that he had to stand still, else he'll also come out blurred. And standing still was something he was good at.

There was something that Gaara didn't like though when he returned to his desk after the photo shoot. It came in the form of a light pink envelop containing a rose scented pink letter decorated in red hearts of multiple sizes, with the text scrawled in with red ink and in a calligraphy style, asking for advice to score a certain popular teenaged male model, and signed by a certain someone he would very much like to avoid. He skimmed it once, scrunched it up, pushed the peddle to the bin with his foot, and threw the crumpled pink paper into the bin as the lid opened. He brushed his hands as he let his foot off the pedal, the lid closing back, and Gaara was feeling really good about himself.

Sakura stayed with Hinata in the infirmary, as Itachi made sure she didn't leave until he felt that she was fully recuperated. He made various checks to make sure she didn't run on him. Gaara, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji made their way to the infirmary to collect both girls, as Shikamaru finally managed to convince Itachi that Hinata was fine, and that he was just being paranoid and silly. Hinata and Sakura were both sitting on the infirmary bed.

"Okay, Itachi said you can go, so lets go before he changes his mind and then it'll get really troublesome." Shikamaru said, and they all left the building to go find an eatery.

"I never knew Itachi to be so paranoid." Hinata remarked as they walked. "He doesn't look the type."

"He's not." Shikamaru clarified. "He's only afraid if it affects his clan, brother or company. He told what happened today, how hoards of people were threatening to take him to the academy or sue him. In the past, he would have beaten them up without even lifting a finger."

"Hey! This is the place! It's really good, and pretty cheap." Chouji pointed to a small restaurant. It was positioned in an inconspicuous way, and any normal person would have just walked right past it. However, as they looked closer, it was quite stylish and cosy, and the food the other customers were eating looked simple, but delicious. Chouji was definitely a genius when it came to finding exquisite eateries, no matter how small and simple they were. A waitress came up to them.

"Chouji! Nice to see you again! How have you been?"

"I'm cool, can't help but come back to this place. Five people, please. How are you?" The waitress took them to a table with six chairs.

"I've been good, the work load has been light this week. What would you like to order?" They all looked at the menu and ordered something. However, Gaara hasn't made up his mind. They all looked at him.

"I'll just have your special. These people are piercing me with their gazes." He just looked back at the other four. His normal look was enough to make them shiver. After a while, the waitress came back with their food, and they dug in. Even Gaara had to admit that the food was quite good. Not that he was going to say anything.

---

"Oh no, I left some files back at your workplace, I think on Ino's desk...Tsunade-sama's gonna kill me." Sakura gasped suddenly. They were heading home from the restaurant. Ino grabbed Sakura's hand in urgency.

"Let's go back - drats! I can't, I have to get back home to do stuff for mum." Ino cursed. "Can any of you guys do it?"

"Can't. I have an appointment with a restaurant owner, I'm going to interview him." Chouji answered.

"Nah, mum wants me home tonight as well, and she's a dragon lady." Shikamaru droned. "And the building's closed to everyone unless you work there, so you can't go alone, Sakura."

"I've never stepped into the building till today, sorry Sakura, I would have went with you." Hinata looked down at her feet. Sakura just cheerfully waved off the comment and smiled.

"It's alright, I'll just put up with Tsunade-sama, it's not like it's the first time..." She reassured them. However, Gaara felt four piercing stares trying to bore their way into his skull.

"I'll go with you." Gaara gave in. Sakura looked surprised at first, that the coldest man to enter Konoha was offering her help. Then she smiled appreciateively. Gaara knew what will happen, though, if he was left alone with her. She'll probably nag him about the Sasuke thing. They waved to the others, before turning back towards the W4eva building. They walked for awhile in silence. Gaara was suspicious.

**_Maybe she's really given up. I mean, hello? You were known to be a psycho serial murderer._**

_I know that, but I don't think this one is the type to fear that single fact. She _did_ get trained by the muscle woman with a gambling problam, Tsunade-sama...and she might think I've gone soft since I haven't killed anyone for no reason for quite while..._

**_I think you've gone soft._**

_Silence. I didn't want your opinion here._ Gaara was perfectly fine with the silence between him and Sakura. If only Shukaku would shut up as well.

"So Gaara, did you get my letter today?" Sakura broke the silence. Gaara mentally cursed to himself, not satisfied since the silence could have lasted longer. Sakura must have waited till they were out of Ino's hearing range.

"It came in a pink envelope with a pink letter decorated with red hearts, right?" Gaara asked, pretending to ponder.

"Yes, that was my letter! Did you read it?"

"Once."

"You actually read it?" Sakura looked genuinely surprised.

"It's my job to read those rotten things." Gaara scowled at the thought of all those letters. All those letters. There were too many of them. He didn't know who would die first, him or Shukaku. But this was not the time to think such thoughts. Now was the time to get Sakura off his case.

"Well? What did you think?" Sakura asked, seeing that she was not getting anything else out from Gaara. Gaara just looked at her indifferently.

"I threw it out. It was not even quality reading material. Since when were you meant to be a straight A student in class?" If that last comment came from anyone else, Sakura would have destroyed them with her Goliath strength, while bawling her heart out at the same time. Since this came out of Gaara, who was such a "ruthless bastard" and not worth her tears, she only beat him up with her Goliath strength. Funny how the impact of her fist didn't penetrate his automated shield of sand (which came from the ground and air as he didn't have his gourd with him), but rather, the impact forced the shield straight into him, throwing him along the path. Fortunately no one was around to see that. Gaara struggled to his feet.

"You bitch..." He muttered, coughing out blood at the same time. The impact left him him completely winded, with no control of his body. Even Shukaku was pissed off at this. Damn Legendary Sannin woman for teaching her to utilise such strength. Sakura panicked at the thought of what she has done. Not only were hopes of getting Gaara to help her were dashed, he would kill her once he recovered! There were only two options for her now:

1. Help Gaara to somewhere and heal him.

2. Kill him.

Option 2 was very appealing. But she knew that if she helped him, he would be in her debt. So she chose option 1. She ran over to him, and gently and slowly reached over to him, and helped him up.

"Bitch...what the hell were you doing?" Gaara spat, a trickle a blood slithering down from the corner of his mouth. If he could move, he would be choking her right now.

"Shut up! I'm sorry, alright? Now let's go somewhere and I'll heal you up and - "

"Hell no. We're going to the head office to get your files and then I'll go home and won't have to see you for as long as I could help it." Gaara coughed, and struggled to move his legs towards the head office. Sakura lifted him up and carried him like a princess.

"We'll go to the infirmary in the head office! You're getting healed up no matter what! It's not me policy to leave injured people injured!" And she marched towards head office, Gaara in tow. He didn't say a word, the shock was too much. Gaara felt utterly pathetic. This was the biggest blow to his manhood in his entire life of nineteen years. He would take death matches over being carried this way, even if he died in process. In fact, he would rather if he died right now. Maybe he should fall asleep and let Shukaku handle the rest...

_**Are you nuts? I'm not using your body if you're being carried like that, you pansy.**_

_Ungrateful bastard. You had your chance, now you've lost the moment._ Eventually they reached head office, Gaara being extremely relieved that the street they used was practically empty, and the only highlight of the trip was that Sakura didn't say anything else about needing advice. Gaara clumsily swiped the door panel with his card, and the automated doors slid opened allowing them in. Sakura then rushed towards the infirmary. After she placed Gaara down in a free bed, she performed a healing immediately. It wasn't long until Gaara was back to normal. He sat up and grabbed his chest. He was breathing normally. He was moving again, control was returning to his body. He was ready to kill Sakura.

"Now you're in debt to me." Sakura remarked smugly, slicing through Gaara's thoughts. _Damn, that would mean I can't kill her. Next time._

"No, I'm not. You injured me, and so you must take responsibility. And you've handled that responsibility quite well. I was the victim." Gaara answered. However, Sakura won't take no as an answer.

"You provoked me to hurt you!"

"Didn't you want my opinion? I gave it to you! What kind of person won't accept an honest opinion?"

"What the? What are you two doing here? I thought you two were burglars, except for the whole screaming bit..." The new voice startled both of them. It was Sasori. They never saw him approach them, and they were too loud to hear him come in. He looked at Sakura, and took out her folder.

"One of the cleaners saw this on the floor next to Ino's desk. It must have fallen on the floor or something, there were sheets scattering from it, but there was you're name on the front. I decided to take it in and hand it to Ino for you tomorrow...but here it it, you might hafta organise it something." Sasori handed the folder over to Sakura, who was extremely relieved.

"If I didn't have this Tsunade-sama would kill me!" She exhaled in relief. Sasori shuddered at the thought of being hurt by Tsunade.

"Tell me about it. Well, you better go home, Sakura, I'll handle it from here." Sasori went over to Gaara's bedside, while Sakura stood up and headed towards the door.

"Bye, Sasori." and then she gave Gaara a "this isn't over yet" glare, before leaving the room. Sasori turned to Gaara.

"She nagged for advice? She did that to a few of the previous advisors too, except they DID give her advice. Wasn't effective though. Of course to get into your mess, I bet you refused?"

"In her opinion, much worse." Gaara answered. Sasori laughed.

"You were being a bastard, I suppose...anyway, Deidara and I got really inspired to do your piece, that we went overtime jus to finish its first design!" Sasori took out a manila folder. "I was going to put it on your desk, but them I heard screaming and so I headed here instead. Here we are." He handed the folder to Gaara. Gaara was actually impressed. No matter how scary or insane they were, the two Akatsuki members were actually talented. Well, all except one thing.

"Prince of Ardour!" Gaara was shaking the piece. "What the hell!"

"Well, we decided, without your approval, to give you an alias, and Love Doctor is too cliché." Sasori responded cheerfully. "And look at the other stuff we wrote underneath it..."

"_He's not just your Average Joe. He's your sensitive master of love._" Gaara read aloud, trying very hard to keep his voice indifferent and not filled with rage. "WHAT!"

"Now you know why these things are labeled as trash." Sasori grinned. He was obviously savouring the moment. Then he pointed to the boxed text on the page.

"We and Kurenai really liked that one, so she made it editor's pick. We felt something that wasn't in the other replies." Gaara began to read it. He remembered this one. It was one of the worse letters he read, but somehow, he felt he must answer it.

_Dear Nina, _

_I'm female, and I'm only a high school student. Me and some of my female friends just recently joined the rifle club, and we tried to invite my male friends in it too. However, one of my friend's boyfriends just shunned as away, and said it was "just for girls", while he just picked up knitting. Of course, he denies that this is a feminine sport. I don't understand. However, this caused a rift between my friend and her boyfriend, as he's acting like such a chauvinist, and she's saying that if he followed stereotypes, he wouldn't be knitting like an old woman. And now they're not even talking to each other. All because of such trivial events. I really want to help my friends, but I don't know what to do, will you please help me?_

_The middle person._

_Dear "the middle person",_

_My name is Sabaku no Gaara, and from now on, I'll be filling in Nina's position. Your friends position is quite complex. I understand how nowadays, women can do thing that were thought to be unthinkable of during the old days, and now you are embracing it. I congratulate you and wish you well for your participation in the rifle club. As for your male friend, calling it "just for girls" is not an attack on you or your other friends, as insensitive as it sounds, while it might seem like it, but rather, it is to protect himself, as the "ideals" of the past is now changing, and he not ready to except this change, that women can do thing that men could, and could be good in anything they do. However, he himself is also embracing change, whether he realises this or not. Taking up knitting is already breaking protocol set up traditionally, so your female friend does have a point there. The problem now lies on whether both of them will sit down and discuss a solution or not. Will they listen to each other? Being a middle person may draw you into their argument as well, and they may turn on you instead. Give them just a bit of time to cool, before approaching them. If you leave it for too long, things may heal, but it may also go worse, they may never speak to each other again, even if this seems trivial to outer eyes. When you speak do not directly approach them, or force them into changing their thoughts. Rather, discuss it with them, empathise with them, ask them their true opinions, and discuss with them the topic of stereotypes and the changing views, but in a passive manner, don't force them, tell your female friend that her boyfriend feared change, and tell your male friend that his girlfriend only wished to do things with him. If you feel that your friendship with them is on the line, however, I wish you to stop. Your friendship is not worth breaking if they will not listen to you. Whether they will speak to each again is dependent on themselves. You cannot change their relationship, you can only try to help. I wish you luck, and I hope your friends will end their anger towards each other._

_Gaara_

"It's really long, of course, since it was a special we could get away with it...the request was really normal, but why did you answer it?" Sasori asked. Gaara shrugged.

"The topic of stereotypes. I suffered that a lot as a youth. Having Shukaku in me, having the powers I had, everyone immediately labelled me a monster. And I became one, I loved only myself." Gaara looked towards the ceiling. "Then someone changed that for me. Someone who managed to just get away from that image. When I read that letter, I believed that I might change it for someone else as well. It was the only letter I didn't bluff my answer to." Then he grinned sadistically. "Well, most of it anyway. Half of the instructions I gave her was fake, I was shuddering so much as I typed it..."

---

Gaara opened the apartment door, and stepped in, only to be face to face with Temari. She was giving him a suspicious look. Kankurou didn't seem to care, he was just watching television while giving his puppets maintenance at the same time. Gaara looked at Temari back.

"What?" He questioned coldly. Temari crossed you arms.

"Erm...one hundred messages were left for you on the answering machine, all from Haruno Sakura." she answered. Gaara froze. One hundred messages? It has only been one day! He saw her for most of the day! Unless she did it while she was at work...and where did she get his home number? Wait...Naruto must have given it to her. He's going to pay dearly for what he has done.

**_I think you've forgotten...you actually suggested to Sakura for her to get your number off Naruto..._**

_Shut up and start thinking death thoughts._

"So..." Temari gazed at the right ceiling corner. "What's, erm, Sakura to you...? I remember she was a Sasuke nut."

"And she still is. She asked me to give her some advice." Gaara replied in a matter of fact tone. Temari clicked her tongue.

"Whoa...she's pretty desperate." Then she returned to her previous wavelength of thought. "Are you sure she's nothing else to you? One hundred messages is a lot..."

"Leave the guy alone, Temari. It's strictly business, couldn't you tell from the messages?" Kankurou cried out, eyes never leaving the TV set or his puppets, hands working away. "Just because you haven't got a boyfriend yet doesn't mean you can force Gaara in a relationship in your place."

Kankurou basically asked for the beating he received Temari because of his comment. So while Temari was on the verge of killing Kankurou and blowing him out the window with her insanely large fan, Gaara grabbed the answering machine and went to his room. It was better to listen to these in private...where Temari wouldn't be around to knock him about with her suspicions. It was bad enough already having Sakura threaten him with her aura of desperation and her titan strength, but having his sister suspect they were a pair? Preposterous. Gaara turned the volume down and replayed the messages.

"Gaara, it's Sakura. I sent you your letter! You better not be at home just to avoid me."

"Sabaku no Gaara-sama, I'll be ever in you debt if you just help me? Your humble servant, Haruno Sakura."

"Gaara, want some expensive dinner this weekend? I'll treat you! Just help me out. Sakura."

"Gaara, we should hang out! How about a trip to the fairground? My treat! Sakura."

"Gaara, this really great movie just came out, I'm sure you'll love it. Let's go see it! Sakura."

Gaara noticed a strange trend. It started off normal, then it beacme suck-up messages. Then ten messages later, the more heinous side of Sakura emerged.

"Gaara, just help me out! I thought you should understand people like me! Sakura."

"Gaara, I've got connections to some of the most dangerous Yakuza around! You know what I want. Sakura."

As the messages went on, Gaara had never gotten so sick of hearing his name again and again. He also got especially sick of Sakura's name. If someone ever said the name/word "Sakura" again, he's afraid he wouldn't contain himself. Shukaku was enjoying himself immensely.

_**Feel the love.**_

_Up yours._

Then suddenly Temari burst into his room. Again. Gaara decided to just give up telling her off. It was too much effort to speak.

"Er...Gaara...Sakura's at the door." Again with the name Sakura. Gaara managed to stop himself from Sabakukyu-ing Temari.

_Self control is the key._

**_Hah! Tell that to yourself again. Oh the irony..._**

_Is there a time where you will actually zip it!_

**_Only when you're unconscious._**

"Tell her I'm not here." Gaara decided that ignoring Shukaku was the best plan as he spoke to Temari. However, something rather unexpected occur that made him wished he was still communing to Shukaku.

"Who's not here?" Sakura welcomed herself into his room. Gaara clenched his fists. Sakura remained oblivious (purposely) to the fuming red-head. "Wow...this is very neat for a guy's room...um, Gaara? I thought you never slept, why do you own a bed?"

"GET OUT!"

_To be continued...with chapter 6...badoom._

AN: Yay, another chapter complete. OH MY GOD, GAARA LOST HIS COOL! How very odd. Well that lunch bit was useless. It was mainly just to clarify some Itachi, get Hinata more involved, and give Chouji his moment of triumph. I suck at giving advice...DON'T USE IT! This is exactly why I'm not a love doctor...(sweat drop). Anyway, something offtopic...I just remembered a much loved character (well...for me) in the form of Haku! Man, that guy had so much potential, starting with those one-handed seals of his. And he was so young, so there was still so much more to learn! He would have been a complete and total genius...and owned so much arse (and he already did). Ah...nostalgia...(yes, Haku is in this fic. I'll beat myself to death if he isn't.)


	6. Ash and Oak

AN: HOWAH! (is random) Gomen for being updating so late! I've been rather busy (damn you, uni). Blasted assessments. Thanks for the brilliant reviews as well! I can't believe you readers actually discuss my fic over lunch! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in side X3...Anyway, we have an exciting, fast paced chapter this time. No I did not mention "A short chapter", I mean "Fast paced." It's a Sasuke-at-work chapter. Gaara, accompanying Ino at the time for an interview with Sasuke's designer, will see how he goes. And the elusive designer that never shows his face in public will he agree to be interviewed by Ino? But who the hell is he? And maybe I'll throw in the other couples now...let's see, yep, Sakura was totally desperate, she even thought so herself, when she first asked him and he rejected...but on with the show! (a fashion show! well, not really...)

Chapter 6: Ash and Oak

Silence followed the deafening shout. Sakura was fixed to one spot, frozen, terrified. Even Temari was shocked. Even during Gaara's bloodthirsty days, he never shouted so loudly, and never looked so furious. One look into Gaara's murderous eyes was enough to kill a person. Temari went over to Sakura and took her out. Slowly.

"Let's go Sakura...maybe you can come another day..."

"Never. Never set foot in here again. In fact, I never want to see you again." Gaara hissed. "If you ever approach me again, I'll make you regret it." Sakura stopped. She turned her head to face Gaara. What he saw next completely baffled him, and probably told him why he still does not have a girlfriend.

Tears were streaming down Sakura's face. Tears of fear, or disappointment, Gaara didn't care.

**_You cold bastard, have some remorse. _**Now was definitely not a good time for Shukaku to open his invisible mouth.

_Out. Now._ Then Gaara paused. Did Shukaku just tell him off for being his usual self? What the _hell_ was going on?

"Fine. I won't go near you. Sorry for being a nuisance, and approaching you the wrong way." Sakura broke his train of thought and rushed out of his room, ran straight out of the apartment door, slamming it loudly behind her.

"What the hell?" Gaara and Temari heard Kankurou mutter. Temari turned to Gaara with a reprimanding look. Gaara knew where this was heading. If it was it seven years ago, Sakura would be dead, Temari giving him such attitude would be dead, and Kankurou, who was now entering his room to also reprimand him, would also be dead. Unfortunately, it's not seven years ago, and he's become somewhat of a softy, _too soft_ in his opinion.

"She was practically stalking me." Gaara argued before either older sibling called say anything. "You heard her damn messages. No sane woman would do such a thing. She should be sent to a mental institute, I truly pity Sasuke for putting up with this all his life..." Temari hissed at Gaara.

"She was scared shitless! Have you forgotten your reputation, Sabaku no Gaara?" Temari cried.

"Well...a lot of people have, actually..." Which was true. Other than being able to bluff good love advice, what ever other reason that landed him the Love Advisor job was beyond Gaara's thoughts.

"That's no way to treat a girl, stalker or not." Kankurou added. "You must present yourself as a gentleman no matter what situation." Silence followed.

"You're one to talk." Temari remarked to Kankurou, unimpressed. Then she turned back to Gaara, allowing Kankurou to ponder over what he had (or had not) done to make her say that. "Gaara, you HAVE to apologise to her. I don't care if she wronged you, but what if she spills out to the public that W4eva's new Love Advisor threatens women?" Gaara never thought of that. His reputation for the magazine would be over. Itachi would throw him out the window, and was _actually_ capable of doing so. Now he was utterly screwed.

_**You are so utterly screwed.**_

_I'm going to send that comment right back at you._

"I'm not going to apologise." Gaara responded stubbornly. Temari shrugged.

"I'm not the one who's going to be chased down by angry women. Or murdered brutally by Itachi."

---

It has been three days since the Sakura incident, and Gaara has done nothing about it. Now he has not seen Sakura, Sakura has not seen him, nor has she even visited any of her friends at work. Deidara was complaining to random people, including Gaara, about how it wasn't as fun without her around. Gaara found Deidara's complaints rather annoying. His reputation is safe, and so Itachi has not destroyed his mind with insane jutsus. He was enjoying his days, until he finished his work. Ino threw a collection of files on her desk, and wore the most excited grin on his face.

"I can't believe it...they chose me to do the interview! And I'm only an Arts and Crafts person, it would be believable if they made me do something on horticulture, since my family owns a flower shop, but this is fashion!" Ino has never been so excited in her life. Gaara looked from his computer and frowned. Ino understood that frown.

"We're going to hunt down the creator and designer of the elite fashion label 'Ash and Oak'. He never does interviews, hell, we don't even no what he looks like. He always shows up to fashion shows with a Kabuki mask like every ANBU..."

"Maybe he is ANBU." Gaara answered. Ino narrowed her eyes.

"Very funny." she remarked cynically. "But I have to get to the Hyuuga residence today. They're using one of the halls there for a show, and apparently he's appearing today. Sasuke has a contract with Ash and Oak, you know. Once you have a contract with Ash and Oak, your career as supreme super model is sealed. They are THE label of the now. Sasuke's really lucky...and good looking..." Ino entered dreamland. Gaara sighed. Time to snap her out of it.

"Why don't you get Sasuke to introduce you to Enigmatic-man, then?" Gaara suggested. Ino shook her head.

"You think I didn't try? Even Sasuke hasn't seen his real face either. The man's face has never been seen. His identity, completely unheard of." Ino replied. She looked around suspiciously before bending closer and whispering to Gaara. "In fact, he could be someone we know, and he's not telling us. He could have walked right past us, without us knowing. This will require some really tough investigating from me." Gaara nodded. Ino straightened her back, and suddenly remembered something.

"Oh! How much work do you have? Are you free today?"

"Basically. I finished all my work for this week, so I'm sitting around and reading all of Jiraiya's Mills and Boon. They're horrible."

"Oh good." Gaara didn't know whether she was commenting about him on the Mills and Boon or the fact he was free. "Sasuke asked me to ask you if you were free. Something about being in debt to you or something. And he wants you to come along when I go today to find Ash and Oak's designer."

"Well, if it gets me away from Jiraiya's Mills and Boon, I'll agree. I wish not to see descriptions such as 'rippling abs', 'flowery curvaceous body', or how the human scent smells like when they're at it." Gaara shuddered. Ino was impressed with Jiraiya. If he could crack a statue like Gaara, then his Mills and Boons must be quality garbage. Of course, there was no time to spend admiring Jiraiya's low class literature. Ino had a designer to hunt down. They left the premises and took a taxi to the Hyuuga residence. As they left the taxi, and Ino paid their fare, they bumped into Hinata, who was also entering the gate.

"Ino, Gaara! Are you here for the show?" Hinata asked. "It hasn't started yet, but you might catch Sasuke off guard or something..." Ino looked hopeful. Gaara elbowed her.

"Sorry, I'm actually here to find the deisigner of Ash and Oak." Ino answered remorsefully. Hinata clasped her hands together.

"Oh, I must come with you! I really want to see who he is as well...are you both interviewing him or something?"

"I'm not, I'm a drag-along. Apparently Sasuke wants to see me." Gaara replied. Hinata nodded.

"Well, that's much more easier than finding Ash and Oak's designer..."

"Oh, who do we have here, more guests, or damned journalists." Neji looked at Ino. He smirked. "Or even worse." Ino flipped back her ponytail.

"Yes, I'm worse, I'm a journalist for a WOMAN'S magazine, got something against that?" She hissed back. Neji took a step back, feigning defeat.

"Are you still pissed off about that incident in the Chuunin exam where I rejected your advances?"

"Hah! Don't give yourself too much credit." Ino placed a hand on her hip. "Now, do you know who and where the designer of Ash and Oak is?"

"No, but I know where your dream boy is." Neji turned to Gaara. "He told me he's in debt to you. He's...you know..." Neji showed Gaara a fist with his little finger stuck up high. Gaara couldn't believe it.

"No way! He's got a girlfriend already? Using my advice?" Gaara blinked. "I'm better than I thought..." Neji gave a quiet, cheerful laugh.

"Maybe. Come on, let's go. Hinata-sama, I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but I'll leave Ino to you." Then Neji and Gaara left before Ino could retaliate, Hinata giggling behind her hand. Neji lead Gaara through the large halls of the Hyuuga residence, which were full of people rushing to and fro, holding equipment, notepads, coffee cups, clothes. Gaara had to admit, the darker Ash and Oak clothes were pretty nice. Eventually they reached Sasuke's dressing table, where a group of women were fawning over Sasuke, and deciding which makeup would be good for his complexion for which clothes. Sasuke saw Gaara, and eyes lit up with glee.

"Gaara! Over here!" he called out. Gaara raised an eyebrow, not that anyone noticed, as his sand coating covered his brows. Neji, however, was wise enough to understand Gaara's current thought.

"Angst-ridden Sasuke is a thing of the past. After he and this girl started going out, he's been really happy and bubbly." They headed towards Sasuke.

"Gaara, I actually doubted you would come. Didn't think fashion shows were your thing..."

"They're not. It was a choice between here or Jiraiya's novels. I chose here." Gaara answered in a matter-of-tone. Sasuke nodded complacently.

"I see. I understand why you came then..." he shuddered. The first time he read Jiraiya's book was his last. His brother, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy them immensely...not that he'd admit it... "Hey, I wanna introduce you to someone." Sasuke directed Gaara towards a plain yet beautiful girl around their age. She had her straight light brown hair tied in messily in a bun, and her light grey eyes were full of life. She saw Sasuke heading towards her, and she gave him a serene smile.

"Sasuke, are you taking a break?" She asked, her voice was pleasant. Gaara nodded approvingly. Sasuke made a good choice. Definitely better than Sakura or Ino anyday. Then Gaara shivered. Sakura. What on earth was he going to do about the previous incident? In his opinion, he should just leave it be, but if he does nothing, he'll never hear the end of Temari. Or Kankurou's Gentleman speeches. Gaara scoffed inwardly. Kankurou. All talk, no action.

_**Is that Sasuke's girl? She's so cute, I'll eat her any day. Mm-mm-mm...**_

_Is that a dirty thought? No dirty thoughts in my mind, you bastard!_

"This is Runa, the girl I was telling you about..." Sasuke blushed. He turned to Runa. "Runa, this is Gaara." Runa offered her hand to shake.

"Hello, Gaara, Sasuke told me who you helped him out." she greeted. Gaara shook the offered hand. _He actually told her I helped him! Honesty and trust so early in a relationship...interesting..._

"Well, it's my job..." Gaara responded. Runa smiled.

"And a very good job you're doing too..." She looked at Sasuke. "I still have some work to do, but I'll meet you for lunch, okay? Bye now!" She waved to Sasuke and Gaara. "Nice meeting you, Gaara!" And then she left. Sasuke sighed happily.

"She's a nice girl." Gaara remarked. Sasuke nodded, a large smile stretched across his face.

"I knew she was the one when I first saw her."

"Good going, though I would have thought you were a bit quick, I only told you that advice a few days ago..."

"I just felt it was the right time." Sasuke answered. Gaara shrugged.

"And your instincts were right, you didn't need me." Gaara then remembered about Ino. Might as well. "Hey, Sasuke, do you who the designer of Ash and Oak is?"

"Ino asked me this too...sorry, but I don't know him. He comes completely covered when he does. He's coming today though..." Suddenly, Sasuke had an idea. "Gaara, to pay you back, even though it's worth little...but I have a plan..."

---

Enigmatic Man was sneaking around the Hyuuga gardens, trying to find a way in. There was no way he'd let himself go to the front door and let himself in, nor is he going to let himself be seen. His employees respect that, and so they will respect his decision to remain uncovered. Anyway, ten percent of Ash and Oak's popularity is due to his enigma, the rest is due to his almighty talent. He adjusted his Kabuki mask and prepared himself for a break in. Hopefully he wouldn't have to break anything.

As he entered, there was no one around. Good, he won't be swarmed. All he has to do now is dawdle in and pretend like he had always been there, even though his employees would know otherwise. His enigma was quite predictable, in a way. Suddenly, he was found by the current male face of Ash and Oak, Uchiha Sasuke.

"Oh, hello, Boss-sama." Sasuke greeted cheerfully. Enigmatic Man knew this cheerfulness was due to the relationship that was blossoming between Sasuke and another employee. Who said going out with someone at work as bad? For all Enigmatic Man knew, this was actually increasing work morale.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun, how was work toda - " Engmatic man was interrupted by something on the ground. "Sasuke-kun, why is there a lot of sand on the grou - !" Faster than he can say "Dammit", Enigmatic Man was swept in a wave of sand, and then encased, with only his masked head in view. He swore he heard a very silent "Sabakukyu"...

"Well, look you got caught up in sand..." A cloud of sand suddenly conglomerated together to form Gaara. Engmatic man cocked his head to the side, as much as he could.

"Who the heck are you?" He asked in a confused tone. There was no malice in his voice. Just pure confusion.

"Sabaku no Gaara."

"Ah! I've heard of you! Quite the monster, I've heard. But now a Love Advice columnist, nice work! 'Love Style' I think you're column was called...what was your alias again?"

"Prince of Ardour."

"Good lord, even I wouldn't use that..." came the reply. Gaara rolled his eyes as he stepped forward to pull off Engmatic Man's mask. For someone so secretive, he sure liked to talk...

_**Like a certain someone I know by the name of Gaara...**_

_I blame you for this._

**_What the? Don't sound unreasonable, you -_** Shukaku never got to finish, as Gaara ignored him and pulled off the mask. Sasuke gasped in shock and almost choked. Gaara was shocked too, but not to Sasuke's extent.

"Wha-wha-?" Sasuke stuttered. In front of them was a beautiful young man with long dark hair, and goes by the name of "Haku! What the hell are you doing here!" Haku gave his trademark nice-boy smile.

"Promoting my show?" He looked at Gaara. "Seems I was caught off guard, nice work...it was bound to happen one day. I am Haku, designer of Ash and Oak, master of needles, ice, and now, clothes." Gaara blinked a couple of times.

"Sasuke, do you know this guy?" He asked Sasuke quickly. Gaara was at a lost. "And is it me, or does he look like a girl?"

"Nope, he really looks like a girl...in Naruto's words: 'He's cuter than Sakura-chan!' although his voice finally changed into a more masculine one. And I know him, from long ago...didn't know you had a career change..." Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he spoke to Haku.

"Oh, it was Zabuza-sama's idea. Said it wasn't fatherly of him to let my be his puppet, and decided I should get a better education, and I then discovered a knack for designing things! Though Zabuza-sama said fashion design is for fruity men, but what the heck, it's raking in the money..." Haku replied with his complacent smile. Sasuke let the last thing Haku said sink in. Did he just say it was all for the money...? That was very un-Haku like, but then again, they didn't know Haku THAT well...

"Gaara-san, do you mind removing the sand from me? I have some work to do...including revealing my new collection of men's wear, which means more Sasuke-kun on the cat walk..."

"That means...you're really the true creator of Ash and Oak!" Sasuke exclaimed. Haku nodded as much as he could.

"That's right, Sasuke-kun." At that time, Ino and Hinata happened to walk that same hallway. Ino heard the two very last comments. She saw Gaara, Sasuke, and a very beautiful androgynous being wrapped in sand.

"Gaara, you found the Enigmatic man?" Then she saw the mask in his hand. Then she noticed there were only three people that she and Hinata bumped into. And of those three, she knew only two. Which left...

"THAT BEAUTIFUL PERSON IS THE CREATOR OF ASH AND OAK?" Ino felt light headed.

"Seems my secret has been blown. Hello, miss and miss, I am Haku, creator of Ash and Oak."

Ino fainted.

_Five seconds later..._

Ino's eyes slowly fluttered open, and the first thing she saw was Hinata sending chakra into her body. Hinata sighed in relief.

"Ino, you're alright..." However, Ino did not register Hinata's comment into her mind.

"Hinata, I had the strangest dream where the creator of Ash and Oak was one of the most beautiful people I've seen."

"Why thank you, I would say the same about you too, Ino-chan." came a smooth, melodic voice. Ino turned to the source of that voice. So it wasn't a dream. Haku turned to Hinata. "Nice work, Hinata-sama, she was up in a jiffy."

"What is going on?" Neji now came into the picture. He saw everyone gathered around Ino. Unimpressed, he crossed his arms. "What are you doing on the floor, woman?"

"Neji-sama, she fell unconscious." Haku explained. Neji raised an eyebrow. He turned to Sasuke and Gaara for clarification.

"Who is he?" Neji snapped, jerking his thumb at Haku. Gaara and Sasuke didn't know what to answer. Does Haku still want to keep his secret.

"Haku, creator of Ash and Oak." Haku introduced. He picked up his mask and covered his face. "See?" then he took it off again. Neji wasn't so shocked. Must be something to do with maturity. "This day was to come, though I did not expect it to be so soon. Nevermind. But I do want to request something from you five. Please do not reveal my identity to the public just yet. I will announce myself at the show. I will pay you back of course." He looked at Gaara. "I'll do the interview for your magazine."

"She's doing it." Gaara indicated Ino. Haku nodded.

"Of course. I will also help you anyway I can, so don't mind coming to ask me for anything." He helped Ino up. "Well, Hinata-sama, Neji-sama, do you mind helping Ino-chan to a place to rest?" They left with Ino in tow, and Haku turned to Sasuke.

"Come on, Sasuke-kun, we have a show to get ready!"

"Y-yes, Haku, erm, I mean, Haku-sama!"

"You can drop the formalities." Haku responded. "Gaara-san, I would like to invite you to our show, bring your family along. Here's a VIP ticket." Haku handed Gaara an envelop of tickets. There were ten. "There's more than enough, you can probably bring some friends. I'll give Ino her set later. So what will you be doing?"

"I think I'll get back to the office, my work is done here." Well, actually, I had no work to begin with.

"Okay then, goodbye, Gaara-san! I hope I'll see you again soon!" And Haku and Sasuke left to work. Gaara found his way out of the house as a sand cloud.

---

_Hmm...maybe I shouldn't go straight home and wait till they go to sleep...so I wouldn't have to put up with another one of Temari and Kankurou's chivalry speeches..._Gaara thought as he headed home from work. The only thing he did back at the office was read more of Jiraiya's Mills and Boon. Having too much time was a bad thing.

"GAAAAAAARAAAAAAAA! WHAT IS THIS I HEARD ABOUT YOU FINDING OUT THE REAL IDENTITY OF ASH AND OAK'S DESIGNER?" Deidara jumped out and basically pounced on Gaara. "Man, I love that brand! That man sure knows who to design good clothes...anyway, what does he look like?"

"Androgynous...like you." Gaara answered. Deidara nodded.

"Mmm...explains, un. All great minds look androgynous." Deidara remarked to himself. Gaara rolled his eyes.

"Don't you have anything else to do?"

"Nope. Just asking though, have you seen Sakura-chan?" Gaara twitched. Why did Deidara have to bring that up again? "Even Sasori's beginning to mope, although he won't admit it, un..."

"Haven't seen her, don't care." Gaara responded harshly. Deidara narrowed his eyes, suspicious.

"Did something happen...I mean, she's also following you around, un..."

"Nothing." Gaara lied. "I bet she's just busy at the hospital and all..."

"Un..." Deidara sighed. "Eh, well, I'll just go off now...just remembered I had a few documents to look over..." And he left. Gaara sighed in relief.

So...if he didn't endure Temari's wrath about Sakura at home...then he'll have to put up with Deidara's whining at work. Just great.

It seems he must do something about this, before he starts begging Itachi to kill him.

AN: Well, this was a rather long chapter. And Sasuke's girl was a made up character, I just couldn't pair any of the other girls with him, but what the heck, their story isn't THAT important, but that event contributes to the Gaara X Sakura scenario. And that post note in the last chapter mentioned Haku, aye? It was a lead to this chapter, in a very different fashion (as in I told you the character, not his/her position). I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO SASORI. Well, I'm going to "dismiss" what happened to him, and just go on with this fic. Deal. I changed all of Deidara's Yeah to Un...makes life easier (more accurate) Dunno if I should change it in the previous chapters though. I didn't proof read this, as I'm too lazy to re-read the whole thing...for those who are also Bishounen no Jutsu readers, I'll try my best to update that (I got a block for that story half way through a chapter...) Someone already said that they'll cast a jutsu worse that Bishounen no Jutsu on me if I don't update...I love that comment XD Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, readers! (Just in case I don't update or see you or something XD)


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